Gossip Girl S1 E2 Recap: She's Having a Maybe
Hiii! Back at it again with the GG episode recaps. If you missed the first one, you can click here to check it out!
S1 E2: She's Having a Maybe
The show opens with Ms. Keller, a Marie Kondo devotee by the looks of her meticulously organized sock drawer, getting dressed. She unboxes a new pair of shoes that I googled, and they are VERY expensive. They’d look a lot better if she knew how to walk in them, though... #getsomeiceforthatburn This is obviously a metaphor for her transition to the dark side. If she’s going to get on these bratty teenagers’ level, she’s gotta play the game. She wears them for their first outing — a lighthearted evening of parent-teacher conferences! Except the students still run the school (for now), so it’s likely the teachers’ heads will roll before theirs. Fun!
Ms. Keller nervously fumbles with her phone, and as one of the teachers tells her she’s being inappropriate and is likely to get busted for not being present, we pan to Julien’s dad and the Headmistress who also happens to be THE DANCE TEACHER FROM CENTER STAGE (is anyone else as obsessed with this movie as I was/still am??), and she is hitting on him. HARD. The teachers are plotting their next groundbreaking post and chastise Ms. Keller for not roasting a single student in days via their new Instagram account, but she claims she hasn’t had time to verify anything yet. She’s a serious journalist, y’all! They contemplate tagging Julien’s dad in a post to let him know that not only is Zoya a student at Constance, she’s there because of the scholarship program that he underwrites and personally funds. Ms. Keller insists that is not the move. She needs something perfect. A teacher stands in front of Ms. Keller to shield her from being noticed as she continues to on her quest to total teenage domination.
Zoya is in her bedroom watching Instagram stories of her very short-lived adopted friend circle from a secret account (so as not to go noticed). The guys sip drinks at a club she no longer has access to. Julien is faking it hard in her story trying to crowdsource makeup input as she gets ready for a night on the town. She’s concerned that she can only have so many girls nights before the awful truth is revealed about her breakup with Obie. She and her trusted sidekicks, Luna and Monet, are brainstorming ways to cover up this obvious misunderstanding until Julien can win him back. These girls put a lot of effort into Julien’s public persona. Makes you wonder what would happen if they weren’t around to stage and prep all of these shoots and posts…Could Julien do it all on her own like some kind of peasant?? Julien thinks all she has to do is apologize (something she has not proven to be great at so far), tell Obie how much she misses him, and he’ll be back in her arms. But even these two know that’s A. not a plan, and B. not going to work. Still, they nod and give a noncommittal “uh huh!”
At Dumbo Hall, Max whines to Audrey that he’s so bored, and she says, “only boring people are bored” which my grandma definitely said to me as a kid. Harsh, grandma. Harsh. The writers have clearly cast Max to play this iteration’s Chuck Bass, and this is one more tie to him. Chuck often seemed bored, and when he was bored, mischief was sure to follow. Another connection is his lack of inhibition. He tells Audrey she’s the one of the few people there that he doesn’t know intimately. She suggests he closes his eyes and pretend he’s with someone else, confessing that she does it all the time. Poor Aki! Max says he doesn’t need to fantasize because he allows himself the freedom to “sample everything” and eyes her up and down suggestively. You know, as someone twice his character’s age, I’ve gotta say — he’s definitely going about things the right way IMO. Sow those wild oats while you’re young! Then you never have to wonder “what if?” Speaking of “what ifs” Aki joins the party and right out of the gate, Max suggests a threesome. For someone who was making the googly eyes during their dressing session in the last episode, Aki gives him a strong “never in a million years” and I think he doth protest too much! The elevator dings, and one of their (very attractive) teachers enter the bar. This is concerning for multiple reasons: 1. He is likely with an underage student because this is where they all hang out. 2. Drinks are being served to minors. 3. HE WAS THERE WHEN THE TEACHERS HAD THE ORIGINAL DISCUSSION ABOUT RESURRECTING GOSSIP GIRL.
He literally was the one that suggested the idea!!!!!!
Oh man, if this whole thing went off the rails in episode 2 that would be killer. I know it won’t, but I would just love a flop moment. Like, “Sorry, guys. We tried. We didn’t really know what we were doing. Guess it just wasn’t meant to work out…” or whatever cliches people utter when things go totally haywire in their lives.
Audrey receives an email that her mom, a fashion designer, blew off the parent-teacher conference. This is apparently a common theme for a very frustrated Audrey, and is maybe the way they’re trying to draw a parallel between her and Blair whose mother was ALSO a designer and also not the most present in her life, initially. Aki tries to defend Audrey’s mom, who he calls “Kiki” which must mean they’re close. He asks her to be empathetic towards her mother. Audrey responds by calling him his full first name, which clearly means he has messed things all the way up. Might as well have tossed in the middle name with it like your parents did when you screwed up as a teenager. She again makes a reference to him therapizing her, and storms off. Therapy is great, Audrey. And expensive. And even though you can afford it, maybe take a free tip from your hot and possibly gay boyfriend every now and then is all I’m saying.
Julien and her friends/social media managers are queuing up the spiciest girls night selfie they can when Audrey wanders over and startles them by snatching Julien’s phone and quickly snapping a pic before everyone can even get into position. You can tell her heart isn’t even in it, which is just sad, really. The girls’ collective confusion over the lack of attention to this photo is hilarious to watch. Fortunately, better photos were taken prior to Audrey’s vibe-killing arrival, and Monet whips up a post for Julien to publish.
Luna is def giving grocery store smile in this photo 😂😂😂
I joked earlier, but apparently Monet really is Julien’s social media strategist because she makes a comment to Luna about how she could kiss an internship (that her family could probably buy her way into) goodbye if Julien keeps losing followers. The only solution is for her to get back with Obie. You know what? I hope Monet gets this internship because girl needs some new ideas. Yikes.
Meanwhile, Audrey has dragged Julien off to the bar for martinis. She mouths off to Julien that maybe Obie left because she’s so painfully self-involved and before Audrey can even finish her sentence, she’s apologizing. She’s on edge, and even though Julien isn’t having the best night, she allows Audrey the space to vent about her absent mother. Julien listens — despite not having one of her own — and offers some sage insight that I’m not sure I would have at her character’s age. They rejoin the other girls, and Zoya is immediately a topic of conversation. Julien defends her sister and states that Zoya did nothing wrong, but the others aren’t having it. She is a threat and needs to be taken out. Now. This would be significantly easier if anyone had a clue of her whereabouts. They don’t understand why she hasn’t been seen in days, which shows they’ve been trying to keep tabs on her. Someone keeping to themselves and not living out their entire life on a photo grid is clearly unfamiliar territory. Do I smell a spy operation?? Julien attempts to lure Obie to the bar to to talk. He stated in the first episode that he hates that place, so unsurprisingly, he opts to not come out and tells her he’s going to bed.
BUT HE IS NOT IN BED. We see him exiting the subway and sending a text to whom we can only assume is Zoya, asking if she’s around.
Max enters the restroom with that teacher who’s probably going to be the downfall of the rest of team Gossip Girl, and he makes more suggestive comments. The teacher immediately rebukes his inappropriate behavior, but seriously, what teacher goes to a place rife with students and doesn’t run screaming in the opposite direction? I see people I like at Target and still sneak off before they can catch a glimpse of me sometimes. Probably because my covid wardrobe is trash, and I leave the house looking like I dressed myself in the dark with only one hand or something. But enough about me! Although, I’ll have you know I was voted Best Dressed in high school. But really, enough about me. The teacher states he doesn’t have to attend the dreaded parent-teacher conferences because he’s an elective teacher, and therefore not obligated. Max flirts with the teacher and says he’s bored, of age, and they aren’t even on campus so why not? He declines and Max comes back with another suggestive comment because he DGAF. The teacher says he’s going to pretend the convo didn’t happen for Max’s security. I’m hung up on the word “security” for some reason. Is this an easter egg?!
YOU CAN CUT THIS TENSION WITH A KNIFE
Poor Max! But he takes his second rejection of the evening (boy is moving quick!) in stride. I expected him to throw his glass at the wall or something, but he scoops up his cocktail and exits the restroom. Not victorious, but not defeated. He runs into a few friends and learns that he’s basically the only one not diddling the teacher, who we’ve learned is named Mr. Caparros. Bummer! The guys discuss MaleGeneral, a site that I’m assuming like Grindr? The guys say Mr. Caparros has made many an appearance on there. And so has Max, “briefly,” they comment mockingly. So if Max is as much like Chuck as they’re laying his character out to be, this opens the door for him to attempt to blackmail Mr. Caparros into a rendezvous.
Obie finds his way to the front of Zoya’s building after walking around for a few hours, clearly a lot on his mind. I also like that they show him taking the subway. He’s a man of the people, Obie. Zoya steps out and the goody goody in me is like, “you are grounded, young lady!” But this is a sweet moment between the two of them. She says he has a “really big smile” (is that a compliment, though?) and he responds with, “I wouldn’t know. I don’t use it often.” Is this a turn off or not? I can’t decide. But in my teens and early 20s I basically hurled myself at every red flag imaginable, so maybe ask someone else…Also, this is the exact kind of thing Dan Humphrey would say! Obie says he hasn’t seen Zoya much lately, and she says she’s been keeping a low profile. Growing up in Buffalo could never have prepared her for this kind of life! She says there are “spies everywhere,” which makes Obie laugh because apparently the Upper West Side is basically the projects or something? I retract my “man of the people” comment. These two, who apparently have zero shred of peripheral vision between the two of them, neglect to notice a bystander with a cell phone and her arm outstretched and here we go again. And, she has a dog! My radar would’ve gone off real quick, if not for the phone, for the dog. I hear the jingling of their little collars and practically throw myself on the ground. Or did before I broke my leg #FML. Also, THIS GIRL’S SOUND IS ON. How on earth do they miss that??? Obie looks back at Zoya and that girl is still standing there, and he still suspects nothing. MEN, AMIRIGHT?
Ms. Keller joins the teachers and complains that it’s so late and they haven’t even gotten to the freshmen parents yet, and while she’s hard at work (doing her actual job, not her side hustle of ruining teenagers’ lives), so are the students who are vying for their shot to contribute a tip to the new center of their universe: Gossip Girl. Messages pour in, but none of them seem post-worthy until the pic of Zoya and Obie lands in her inbox. She grins excitedly as Zoya’s father enters the room. Why do I have this weird feeling like he and Ms. Keller are about to really hit it off? That is a relationship I cannot even pretend to be excited about. Ms. Keller publishes the post about the Zobie sighting just before escorting him to the meeting. Snake! Julien’s dad double-takes Ms. Keller in the hallways and it is worth noting that is also a relationship I would hate. No and NO.
The group at Dumbo Hall receives the latest update, and Julien reads on in horror as she realizes her #girlsnightout plan is shot to hell. What will people think? What will they say? Aki assures Julien that them hanging out doesn’t mean anything because he is optimistic but also absolutely oblivious. The girls insist the opposite and that Julien needs to mark her territory. She must really think they’re getting back together because she allows Monet to craft a post, filtering the dress in the photo to be the same tint as the dress she’s currently wearing, and captions it, “Don’t believe the gossip, girls. I’m the only one with the truth.” As she LIES to her thousands of followers. This is problematic for a few reasons: 1. She’s likely already posted this photo, and 2. Would she really wear the same dress twice? And 3. Gossip Girl will not be made out to look like she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. If she’s following the original blueprint, there will be retaliation. Also 4. This is embarrassingly desperate (and that’s coming from someone who did some HIGHLY embarrassing things to keep a relationship afloat. I would know!).
Zoya’s father speaks with Ms. Keller, and as she praises Zoya and smiles a little too much for my liking (seriously, if they start dating I am DONE with these recaps), her phone goes off repeatedly. While there’s no need for her to have her phone out, you already know she’s going to pause the meeting to see what’s going on because again, she takes this whole Gossip Girl operation very seriously. She opens her most recent post to a flood of comments, and bad news! The students believe Julien over her, and Gossip Girl is on her way to being canceled! She checks her follower count, which is rapidly dropping, and begrudgingly places the phone back on the table.
The girls continue to push Julien to bury Zoya, whom Monet refers to as a “Buffal-hoe” and honestly, I’m sorry, that is hilarious. She’s a horrible person, but that was good. Aki, the only guy in the group that’s present for this circus, is still sitting there, highly uncomfortable. Monet refers to Julien as a potential “failure” and that stings her. They clearly gaslight her into doing things she obviously doesn’t want to do. She’s voiced multiple times that she wants a relationship with her little sister, but at the rate she’s going, her incessant need to appear as superior will be the death of it. Having a healthy dose of ego is hard thing, especially for a rich teenager!
Audrey brings her mom coffee and a very expensive dress to wake her up and drill her about why she blew off the parent-teacher conference. Kiki makes excuses for why she didn’t participate and won’t be attending that evening’s fundraiser, stating she donated, and that’s what really matters. Man, rich people love to throw money at a problem! Audrey implies that her mom’s presence in her life is what’s actually most important. Kiki pulls the “is your father going to be there” which, as a child of divorce, makes my eye twitch because I heard that one A LOT growing up. We learn that Kiki’s assistant cheated with Audrey’s dad and “stole” her family, which explains why this whole scene is like a live-action Zoloft commercial #notsponsored #butavailableforsponsorships Audrey begs her mom to show up for her, and you feel for her. I’m sure the fundraiser will be miserable, but do it for your kid, Kiki! Come on! She takes the dress and agrees to attend, before climbing back into her bed. I don’t have a lot of faith in this seeing fruition. I’m calling it now — Kiki bails and Audrey gets wasted and royally embarrasses herself and the rest of her crew at the fundraiser. Gossip Girl posts it for the world to see, and maybe there’s a tinge of jealousy from Julien for the focus being shifted.
Back at Zoya’s house, her dad is still icing her out. I really relate to the “parents being hard on you because they want better for you than their own life experiences” narrative. That’s probably the most relatable part of the show, honestly. But give her a break, dad! She’s trying to navigate life in an unfamiliar city and at a new school. It isn’t like she’s hanging out at an exclusive club doing Altoids with Max! (That joke will not land if you missed last week’s post.) He talks about her teachers, specifically Ms. Keller, and her dad makes a passive aggressive comment that he hopes she’ll be able to continue her studies despite her indiscretions. He says the school isn’t interested in a scholarship scandal, especially in the current climate (AKA it doesn’t bode well for them if they kick out one of their few black students in a time of increased racial tensions). One more misstep and Zoya is out of there, he says. She vows to be “perfect” and fly under the radar. But even her best efforts have faltered because her dad busts out the Instagram post from last night of her on the sidewalk with Obie. Really? First TMZ and now this? He’s become dialed into all of this pretty quickly, not that I blame him. If someone was writing trash about my kid, I would be all over that!
Ms. Keller arrives at school, clearly fraught, and one of the teachers has brought her a gift *cough* suck up *cough* It’s a yeti in orange, which will coordinate nicely with her forthcoming prison jumpsuit! She makes a metaphor about the students "throwing bricks in her window,” which alarms the other teacher.
He says, “They found out it was you?” The language here is interesting, because even though it seems like there’s a group mentality to Gossip Girl, Ms. Keller is the only one who writes the posts, publishes the images, and controls the account. I think this proves that, if under pressure, the fingers will be pointed solely in her direction. Ms. Keller is rattled by the students, understandably. These rich brats are beating her at her own game! They’ve flagged all the posts as inappropriate, and the account is under review. Not a single post is visible on the profile, and they’re prohibited from making future posts because the account is locked. Ms. Keller struggles with the lack of control. She needs this. They need this. She’s desperate and starts spiraling about how difficult it is to maintain GG’s voice and how keeping up with this instagram account is taking a toll on her. Girl…you are 5 posts in. If you can’t handle this now, just give up. OG GG posted multiple times a day sometimes. This clearly isn’t your thing. The other teacher — and can I just say, I’m annoyed that I keep having to refer to them as “the teacher.” Give each of them a name or don’t make them central to the plot. Anyway, he assures Ms. Keller that this is just a test. It will all blow over, the account will be unlocked, and they’ll be back to terrorizing the students in no time!
Zoya arrives at school and tries to wave at Julien, but she’s whisked away by Audrey who’s finally in a good mood because her mom has agreed to show up for her at this fundraiser. They meet the guys who are staring at some pretty racy photos of their teacher, Mr. Caparros. Max refuses to accept defeat and scans his posts for indicators of how he can stage a run-in, and he lands on a bathhouse. Max tries to recruit Aki to be his “bath buddy” and he’s like “No…?” I’m willing to bet he gets wrapped up in it. And discovers that he might really be gay. Or at least bi.
Inside of school, Julien spots Obie, but inconveniently, he has his eyes on her sister. Obie physically moves in the direction of Zoya, and Julien — obviously feeling the pressure — basically throws herself in front of him and corners him to apologize. This apology seems more like another opportunity to manipulate Obie than to actually make amends. It just doesn’t feel genuine. She says she’s ready to move forward from their “little break” whenever he is, but he shuts her down. Julien is in denial, so he drives it home that this isn’t a break, it’s a full blown break up. He even dropped the “I care about you” so you know they’re toast. He leaves to chat up Zoya in the courtyard as Julien looks on, heartbroken. Who knows if she’s more upset about the breakup itself or what people will say about the breakup. Likely both.
Obie asks Zoya out on a date, and she says she can’t because her dad will freak out and she might lose her scholarship which is the only thing tethering her to this new life. Obie vows to get creative and come up with a date/non-date activity. I don’t know what this means. He leaves, and unsurprisingly, part of the gang is right there, ready to pounce.
Please recycle. Thank you.
Audrey thinks the answer is to ostracize Obie, but Aki rolls his eyes and wanders off because Obie is his best friend. #brocode Besides, Julien doesn’t want to. Audrey believes she’s “better off without him” and leaves as Monet and Luna show up and insist that could not be further from the truth. They got everyone to rail against Gossip Girl, and now they think the same should happen to Zoya. If Julien wants Obie back, she’s got to get rid of Zoya. Julien isn’t on board with this plan since she’s the one responsible for bringing her here in the first place and ideally would like to continue to have a relationship with her. She thinks the answer is to have someone drive a wedge between Zobie, and she knows just the person to do it: Gossip Girl. I feel like the students didn’t try to negotiate directly with Gossip Girl until later seasons, but things move faster nowadays, I guess! Julien, all-powerful queen that she is, thinks Gossip Girl will provide dirt on Zoya if she offers to un-cancel her. “GG works for me now.” Mmmmm yep. This will end poorly.
Aki is seated at the bathhouse (told you so), and it’s at this moment that I realize he’s the character I feel most similar to. The friend that constantly offers helpful insight. The friend that will go with you to do literally anything. The pink hair! He’s lamenting to Max how his relationship with Audrey is stalling out. She barely wants to talk, and when they have sex, she’s clearly thinking of someone else. Ummm y’all are not married. You are teenagers. Get out of this miserable situation. STAT! Max is completely disinterested in any talk about Aki’s failing heterosexual relationship. He’s laser focused on tracking down Mr. Caparros. Aki thinks this behavior qualifies as stalking, but Max and his 18 abs insist their teacher practically wants to be found. Mr. C walks past the guys with another man and stares them down in what I would consider to be a slightly threatening way? Anyway, he certainly acknowledges their presence. Having regrets, Aki is perplexed when Max asks if he has his consent. “Consent for what?” Aki asks. “For whatever,” Max raises his eyebrows.
👀👀👀👀👀👀👀
In a (absolutely not) shocking turn of events, Aki lunges towards Max, kissing him. This act is two-fold because on one hand, Max is obviously into Aki (who thinks this is simply a stunt to get the attention of Mr. C). On the other hand, Max is specifically at the bathhouse trying to lock down his teacher for a little fun. Mr. C watches, seemingly interested, but then approaches the guys and asks Max if he’s trying to get him fired. The way Max says, “of course not” is similar to the tone I have when my husband asks if I’ve blown a bunch of money at Target. He tells him he should be in school, to which Max retorts, “So should you.” Max is clearly bothered by Mr. C rebuffing his advances, mostly because he can’t figure out if he’s genuinely not into him, or if he doesn’t want to sacrifice his job to diddle a student. Aki offers to follow Max and give it another go, and this time, Aki seems like he’s not just trying to do Max a favor…
The caption is killing me 🤣
The Yeti teacher, who I’ve just figured out is named Jordan (thanks, subtitles!) is in the faculty room openly discussing what damning tidbit Ms. Keller can give Julien about Zoya so Gossip Girl can be reinstated as the school body’s main informant. I hate to see Zoya end up as collateral damage. Always happens to the nice, non-rich people. Ugh! As the teachers are audibly trying to come up with their next move, in comes Zoya who has been instructed by the headmistress to volunteer for the fundraiser. Are any of the rest of the kids volunteering. I highly doubt it. I’d hardly consider this punishment, but when no one else is being corralled to help, I feel like she’s being slighted and I don’t like that.
Zoya and Ms. Keller have some bonding time in the library, where Ms. Keller tells her that the name Zoya means “life.” Zoya asks what her name means, and Ms. Keller says her first name, Kate, means “pure.” And she seems pretty proud of it for someone who’s antagonizing teenagers in order to *big air quotes* “make them better members of society” or whatever. She likens herself to Saint Catherine of Alexandria, who is the “patron of philosophers and scholars and is believed to help protect against sudden death.” Is THAT an Easter egg? Probably not. I’m sure I’m the only loser who googled who she is. Zoya says, “You seem pure,” to which Ms. Pure herself says, “You don’t know me very well.” What in the…
Ms. Keller tries to play dumb and ask about Zoya’s “cousin” (AKA her sister, Julien) to fish for information. Zoya, dejected, claims not to know her at all. She pours her heart out to Keller who assures her that she deserves her place at the school and maybe it’s a good thing not to belong “at a place like this.” Zoya says, “We couldn’t go back, even if we wanted to.” This feels like a big metaphor, especially to be having this conversation with Ms. Keller. There’s no real way she can go back from the mess she’s made in resurrecting Gossip Girl. Her need for control and power and order won’t allow that to happen. Zoya confides that she was kicked out of her old school, and Ms. Keller cannot WAIT to rush off to one of her teacher buddies to share the news. The other teacher works in admin and claims that everyone who works in admin is bored (are they also stalking and harassing their students?), so she’s confident she can get more info.
There’s a montage of the group getting ready for the fundraiser. I feel like this might be the first taste of one of the famous fêtes of days past, and I am ready for it! Gossip Girl’s account is unlocked, and she’s on the warpath. Julien receives a video from GG, and it sounds like Zoya was possibly in a fight? From everything I’ve seen so far, she doesn’t seem like the type. Maybe she was bullied? I’m hoping Julien has a conscience and decides not to post whatever was sent to her; however, even if she doesn’t, her psychopathic friends will probably break into her phone and do it themselves.
We’re at the fundraiser, and I’m just gonna say it — Audrey’s boobs look amazing. I am jealous. Moving right along. Julien’s dad approaches Audrey and Aki, and he’s clearly thrown by Audrey’s weird behavior. Aki tries to cover, but Julien’s dad bails quickly and the two continue moving through the crowd. She fears her dad will make an appearance, and Aki — offering zero advice this time — simply reassures her that Kiki will show up for her and everything will be fine.
Aki is sweating, and he’s obviously nervous about his mid-schoolday makeout sesh with Max that he’s yet to divulge to Audrey. They speak to Max, and he asks if Aki told her what happened earlier in the day. Panic! He eventually tells a very distracted and borderline frantic Audrey that Aki helped him pick out a new pair of shoes (that alone should tell you he is gay). Audrey wanders off and Max flashes his devilish smile and winks at a very anxious Aki. I’m sure she’ll learn about it soon enough, and something tells me it won’t be on Aki’s terms.
Zoya’s also at the fundraiser and is greeted by Obie who is looking real cute in his turtleneck and blazer combo. The fundraiser is for school supplies for disadvantaged kids. AWWWW! We learn that Obie actually purchased the fundraiser tickets for Zoya and her dad so they can have that first date/not date that he was talking about.
🥰🥰🥰
Audrey beelines it for her mother who is not wearing the dress she rented for her, but! She IS there! Audrey is relentless asking about the dress, why she’s late, and if she should really be drinking. Aki is all smiles and tries to act as a buffer for the the fraught mother/daughter duo, but his efforts are short-lived as Kiki ditches them to order a stiff drink at the bar. Aki mentions that it seems like Kiki did a little pregaming, and Audrey throws her hands up and walks away.
Ms. Keller approaches Zoya’s dad and reintroduces herself. He says he remembers her, which isn’t exactly an olympic feat or anything, but the tone of the delivery makes me criiiinge. Idk why I’m so anti this relationship. I guess I just hate Ms. Keller, and I hate how hard Zoya’s dad is on her, and I just have a lot of strong feelings about all of these made up characters, ok?
Zoya has the question I always seem to have around fundraisers, which is why so much money needs to be spent in order to raise money. But I guess neither of us get it because we are poor or something. Julien, completely caught off guard by their presence, storms up to Zobie. I thought she was about to whip out that video right there, but she seems to be legitimately concerned about the fact that both of their dads are in the same room and their meeting would likely be explosive.
Julien……………..
You both go to the same school.
It is a school fundraiser.
Why would Zoya not be in attendance?
Well, Julien basically says she thought Zoya was too broke to buy a ticket so she hadn’t really expected to see her there. WOWWWW LOL. She then accuses Zoya of plotting to ruin their lives, but Zoya tells Julien this mess is of her own making. She lied to her dad, and that’s her problem. Z is very unbothered here. Like, impressively unbothered. Obie watches on from behind, and if Julien is trying to win him back, this is not the way. Julien stomps off and happens upon the volatile encounter of her and Zoya’s dad, and clearly Ms. Keller is as bad of a tour guide as she is a pretend rich teenager with a lust for social media revenge because wasn’t she supposed to be keeping Zoya’s dad occupied for a while? Julien’s dad, immediately enraged, gives Mr. Lott a pretty rude greeting (like I cannot type it on here because I used to help with a church youth group and would feel incredible guilt if any of those people actually somehow found me saying those words online??) and Julien interrupts saying she knows why he’s there. Julien’s dad, who I feel like is kind of hot but maybe that’s only because he name dropped working with Billie Eilish (ILY BILLIE) in the first episode, is obviously perplexed. Mr. Lott doubles down and says everyone knows why he’s there — especially Julien. He offers to tell him, which I’m sure would not go positively.
Max and Aki are at the silent auction table, and Max scans through the evening’s bids so far. He’s trying to make sure he wins Mr. C’s donation (yes, that is a euphemism). Aki stands beside him, silently fidgeting and clearly stressed the hell out. Max asks if he’s jealous (of what? his affection for Mr. C?), and Aki blurts out that he would really appreciate it if Max kept their afternoon adventure from Audrey. Max is definitely going to make sure Audrey knows. Max says he shouldn’t be in the middle of their relationship…unless Aki wants him to be, as he glides towards him. Max’s taunts rattle Aki, but he can’t dwell on his fears for too long because we hear Kiki drunkenly shouting at the bar and she is a MESS. She falls forward and takes off one of her shoes as she hobbles across the room. Literally everyone nearby is watching this happen.
We’re back to Julien’s dad who is furious his daughter made arrangements for his deceased wife’s child from her extramarital affair to relocate to their same city and attend the same school as her via his scholarship fund. Small stuff, really. Ms. Keller watches on, obviously intrigued. I mean, everyone does. Julien’s dad learns that she’s been in contact with her sister for years, which he strictly prohibited. It doesn’t seem like she has a lot of rules, but it isn’t fair to prevent her from having a relationship with her only sibling — even if the situation sucks. Zoya is the only piece of her mom that Julien has left. Her dad says he asked her to come to him first, and she says she tried “dozens of times” but apparently this was before he was sober so he likely doesn’t remember. Julien’s dad drops the “I’m so disappointed in you” line, which always cuts deep, and walks away.
Aki asks if Audrey’s seen her mom, and she says “No.” And then he’s like, “no, have you seen your mom…” I called one of them getting drunk and making a scene, I just thought it would’ve been Audrey. Please note, all of the bad behavior is on the parents. Except when Julien accosted Zoya earlier in the evening. Kiki is having an absolute meltdown. She really should have just stayed in bed. I feel like every time I go out, which is basically never, I’m always reminded why I don’t go out. Audrey tries to get her to leave with her, but Kiki is belligerent and stumbles into an unsuspecting man’s lap who doesn’t seem that mad about it? She actually says, “You make such a comfortable chair.” I legit LOLed. Audrey tries again to get her mom to leave, and then all hell breaks loose and she breaks a glass and screams at Aki for disrespecting her by referring to her as “Ms. Hope” instead of “Mrs. Hope” and then cuts her hand on the broken glass. Good lord, lady. Audrey stomps off. Lots of stomping happening at this fundraiser. They should’ve gone for a Riverdance theme.
Zobie are seated back to back at the event. Zoya is shockingly okay considering the events of the evening. She’s probably just grateful the attention is on someone else. And for someone who’s fibbed a fair amount so far, she’s probably grateful the secret about her relocating to NYC is out in the open. Obie asks her to slip out for an hour, and despite me yelling “NO!!!” through the screen, she eventually agrees. He promises to have her back before anyone even knows she’s gone, but this never works in TV or movies. #MISTAKE They slip into the elevator, and right on cue, Ms. Keller tails them.
Monet and Luna are swiping through the photos they took of Kiki mid-rage, and Julien approaches the duo. She’s freaking out about how Zoya has ruined all their lives, even though Zoya has literally only done what Julien’s told her to and wouldn’t even be there if it weren’t for her so…victim much? She’s about to show the Gossip Girl video to Obie when she learns he’s already left. With Zoya.
Zobie are outside of a store that an older man is reluctantly opening back up. Obie assures him that it will be worth his while and hands over his credit card. The pair enters the store as Ms. Keller watches on from inside a shop across the block. She snaps a pic and posts a caption questioning if JC has officially been subbed out for Zoya, and upon seeing it, Julien contacts Gossip Girl and asks for the couple’s location. GG says Julien owes her, but Julien bargains that she can make it worth her while to send over the address. Gossip Girl hands over the info without receiving anything first (she is a FLOP at this, I’m telling you), and Julien is on the hunt. Backed by Monet and Luna, she makes her way to Zobie, but not before a convo with her dad (who is in her phone by his first name and that is strange, right?) where he asserts she’s not acting like herself. She says Zoya is *Britney Spears voice* not that inn-o-cent and asks him to bring Zoya’s dad to the location to prove it to them. She is totally unhinged.
Max finds Mr. C and lets him know he’s the highest bidder, but Mr. C informs him that students are not eligible to win. Max is unyielding and decides to be absolutely direct. He tells Mr. C he’s aware of his “activities.” Mr. C insists that he does not have relationships with his students, and staves him off until “after graduation.” When Max asks what happens after graduation, Mr. C looks around and leans into Max. I thought he was about to make out with him right there! I mean, I audibly gasped. But he says nothing or whispers — I couldn’t really tell, and nothing was picked up on the subtitles — and either way, Max raises his eyebrows and doesn’t exactly look thrilled.
Outside of the fundraiser, Aki and Audrey are trying to load up Kiki into a Lyft and get her back home. Audrey is devastated because her mom can never seem to show up for her in the way she needs her to, physically or emotionally. Aki, who’s being pretty generous for a guy who was barked at by Kiki in front of everyone simply for the way he addressed her, suggests she cut her mom some slack. He sees that she’s tried and notes that she’s clearly got something going on because this isn’t “normal behavior” and I really do feel like he has a future career as a therapist. The couple argues outside of the car.
“I’m on no one’s side” is the EXACT type of thing a therapist would say. He’s a natural! Audrey basically tries to breakup with Aki in the street because he never takes her side or a side, period. She climbs in the SUV with her drunk mom who’s been uncharacteristically quiet while all of this is going down and leaves.
Back at the art supply store, Zobie are loading up basket after basket of school supplies, and I really hope this guy has a barcode system because if he’s having to type in all of these SKUs we’re gonna be here all night. There’s a cute scene where this 80s sounding song plays and the two have their first kiss, and you expect Ms. Keller to pop out of nowhere with her dumb cell phone, but the only onlooker is the store operator who looks like a very proud dad LOLOLOL.
Y’all. I watched this part over and over, and this guy is too much for me. I can’t handle it. I might make this my lock screen for when I need a little boost. It’s so good.
JK Julien and Flotsam and Jetsam #disneyreference are outside staring through the window, and this heartwarming moment is OVER. Again, how do these two never have a clue when someone is watching them? The store operator’s vibes are too strong, I guess. Monet and Luna encourage Julien to storm in there and show her whatever video GG sent over, but in this moment, she sees the error of her ways. These are the kinds of things Obie always wanted her to do, but she was too self-involved to participate. Something tells me that regardless of what happens tonight, nothing is going to change for her on that front. I still think we’re going to see that video. And seriously, how do all these parents not realize their kids aren’t actually at this event?
Julien and Zoya’s dads show up, and Julien tries to backpedal from yet another one of her terrible plans and say Zoya isn’t there, but Zoya (who spots her dad outside and rushes out of the art store awfully quickly for someone who’s supposed to be flying under the radar??) asks what her dad is doing there and realizes he’s got a whole crew of people alongside him. Mr. Lott is bringing the thunder per usual and doesn’t allow Zoya or Obie to explain what’s going on. I mean, they’re at an art supply store, not a strip club. Maybe calm down. Ms. Keller watches on from across the street, phone raised *EYE ROLL*, and I don’t know how long you can duck out in a store when you’re the only customer and all you do is stare out a window. I’ve worked a lot of retail. I def would’ve called security on her for her weirdo behavior. Anyways, Zoya tries to blame Julien, Zoya’s dad says not to blame her sister for her actions, and then there’s a family discussion about are they or aren’t they sisters when they’re biologically related but were intentionally raised to not have any sort of relationship. Julien says, “A sister wouldn’t do what I just did,” which isn’t an apology, but is as close to self-awareness as we’ve seen from her thus far. Mr. Lott grabs Zoya by the arm and drags her out of there. Julien looks over at Obie, who has taken a page out of Mr. Lott’s playbook and is laying on a heavy, “I’m disappointed in you” face. Julien’s dad says nothing and turns around to leave. She walks behind him, and her friends throw their hands up and eventually follow along. At this point, Ms. Keller has been in this store for a LONG time. And apparently they have consciences for sale because after watching the evenings of her most popular subjects crash and burn at her behest, she deletes the photos she took of this small yet incendiary family reunion from her phone.
The next morning, Audrey is in Kiki’s bedroom with coffee, and she must’ve had a good night of sleep because she’s much more sympathetic to her mom’s emotional state. Kiki, obviously embarrassed from her behavior the night before, drops a bomb on Audrey that her company is filing for bankruptcy. Audrey — again, more positively than we’ve seen her maybe ever — says she knows things will be ok, and her mom’s like “Yeah. Maybe.” WHAT LOL. Kiki says a lot of things are going to have to change, Audrey says they already are and gives her a hug. Look at Audrey, being nice!
She returns to her bedroom, and there is Max, getting dressed. Initially, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and thought maybe he’d drank a little too much after being rejected by Mr. C for like the 7th time this episode and she let him stay at her place, but nope. They absolutely hooked up. Well. She had a good night of something, I guess. Audrey asks Max not to tell anyone about it, and he says, “Okay, fine.” Not exactly a strong commitment. Not a “you have my word.” Also, seems like the kind of thing you should have negotiated up front, not that Max plays by anyone’s rules but his own. He smiles at her and leaves. Not a lot of smiles from Audrey in this scene. And I felt like she and Aki had more of an argument than a full-fledged breakup in the street; however, Aki still hasn’t told her about making out with Max as a “favor.”
Julien sees her dad and immediately tries to explain herself, but her dad interrupts her. He admits he was wrong for keeping her and Zoya apart, and in the aftermath of the affair, he was too hurt to act in either of their best interests. He says their mom would’ve loved them having a relationship. Julien, very emotional, hugs her dad. We rarely get to see these sincere moments from her. They’re so refreshing! Now that she and Zoya’s dad’s are part of the narrative, I’m curious if this will tamp down the rivalry a bit.
At school, Monet and Luna are in a good mood, which can only mean one thing: trouble! They tell her Zoya’s is withdrawing from Constance, and Julien looks over to see Zoya and her dad being lead down a corridor. The only thing missing are Monet and Luna following behind them with a bell yelling out, “Shame!” Shame!” They’d never do that themselves, but they’d def pay someone. Julien interrupts the procession, and Mr. Lott has his stern pants on because he is not having it this morning. Julien begs Mr. Lott not to make Zoya leave because of her actions, and Zoya says it was actually her decision. She didn’t come there to hurt anyone, and she clearly has. Objectively, Zoya has done absolutely nothing wrong, but Julien’s victim routine is as strong as her influence, and that’s a tough act to go up against. Julien asks Mr. Lott if she and Zoya can have a minute, and before he answers she’s dragged her back to the girl’s restroom where their relationship really began (what a weird sentence to type). Julien says they have a connection (Yeah, a mom AND a boyfriend. Too soon?). She says they blew it, but owns that it was mostly *cough* entirely *cough* her fault. She begs Zoya to stay, and Zoya says she needs to be able to be honest with her about her needs etc. Julien says she understands why Obie likes her and basically gives her blessing and promises not to interfere. Julien again asks Zoya to stay, and she says “maybe,” but that’s not good enough: Julien wants a definitive answer. With the weakest “hell yes” I have ever heard in my life, Zoya agrees to stick things out and stay at Constance.
Just as I’m reminded that we never heard from Gossip Girl the night before, her voice chimes in with a spiel about how change is inevitable, whether we like it or not. There’s a montage of the crew. Julien is messaging GG to not use the video she sent over in exchange for the one thing she needs: credibility. Aki brings Audrey yellow flowers — the official color of feeling sorry! Max walks past Mr. C and they have a lingering moment. Zobie kiss in the courtyard, and the students look back in horror to Julien for her reaction. The teachers of the apocalypse are huddled together in the faculty room beaming at Ms. Keller’s phone. They’ve scored a verified instagram account and over 10,000 followers (lucky!). When Zoya’s secret comes up, Ms. Keller says she hopes she never has to use it. So file that as a maybe. Order has been restored, and with the security of a verified blue checkmark and a share from Julien in her back pocket, GG doubles down that she’s watching even more closely. The episode ends with Zobie walking down the hallway, hand in hand, as Julien, Audrey, Max, and Aki look on. Luna and Monet are nowhere to be seen, which I hope is a trend that continues because they are beautiful but have zero redeeming qualities.
INITIAL IMPRESSIONS
This episode is heavy on the drama, and building on the groundwork from the first episode, it is layered and juicy. Big fan!
FAVORITE MOMENT
The bathhouse scene 🔥🔥🔥
FAVORITE OUTFIT
Audrey’s fundraiser outfit was understated and tailored to perfection. A+
Best line
“This Wolfe thinks he can huff and puff and blow this man.” - Aki
FAVORITE CAST MEMBER
Aki
FUN FACTS
Idk if y’all are ready for this, but Max is actually Scottish in real life. See for yourself in this video where he discusses his skincare routine with GQ. My head about popped off my neck when I watched it. Also, he’s a very talented singer (I live in Nashville — I would know). Here he is singing “I’ll Make Love To You” and good luck not clutching your chest. I think I may need an EKG. *faints*
BIGGEST QUESTION
Will Julien be able to maintain a relationship with Zoya, or will her ego get in the way? Would Monet and Luna even allow that to happen? Also, the name of the episode is “She’s Having a Maybe”…is someone going to wind up pregnant? I feel like I kind of saw the episode through the lens of “could this be it?” and the moment never came. Did you do that, too? Omg WHAT IF Audrey wound up pregnant? With her and Max’s LOVE CHILD? While she’s still with Aki??? Now THAT would be some OG GG level drama!
BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT
Kiki. Get it together, woman!
PREDICTIONS
I wrote these down along the way and prior to seeing the preview for next week’s episode, FWIW!
One of the teachers is going to get in trouble for fraternizing with the students and as part of a plea deal he or she is going to out Gossip Girl. This scandal overshadows Zoya’s scholarship scandal, and with Julien’s blessing, she is in the clear for a slightly less drama-free school year.
This might sound farfetched, but most everyone I’ve spoken with hates the storyline with the teachers. I can’t remember a single teacher from the original, and frankly they’re taking up way too much air time in this reboot. I’m predicting one of the students hacks the account and takes control of the Gossip Girl IG, therefore paving a way for less teacher subplots and the mystery to return to the series.
