GG S1 E3 Recap: Lies Wide Shut
The theme of this episode is public vs. private. It’s about information we want known and unknown and the pain of those secrets reaching the surface once they’re no longer concealed. It’s a good one! Let’s get into it!
Lies Wide Shut
The show opens with Julien’s jaunts around the globe trying to find a suitable replacement for Obie. Unfortunately, she’s left empty handed as apparently she can’t seem to thwart the “just dumped” stank. Monet and Luna are concerned, understandably. Who is she without some man candy of her own? But it isn’t one sided — she’s not feeling them either. Her friends give her the classic “you’re being too picky” and let me tell you from experience, this is not true like 99% of the time. They’re all “screw the patriarchy!” but insist that she needs a man, stat. Audrey wanders up and asks if Julien needs to go to the bathroom. She doesn’t, but Audrey drags her off anyways, and thank god because these two are already driving me nuts and school hasn’t even started.
Audrey confesses to Julien that she slept with Max “many times” and I already have anxiety that she hasn’t peeked in every bathroom stall and maybe checked a loose ceiling tile or two to make sure the bathroom is secure before spilling her guts. Jules is all in with the questions. What happened? Why now, when they’ve known each other over a decade? Is she going to tell Aki? (I bet you someone will, but it prob won’t be her!!!!). Audrey says it might be self destructive tendencies or stress from her mom. It could be a number of things! She commits that she cannot tell Aki until she understands the source of this bad behavior. Jules promises to keep her secret but is concerned about Gossip Girl finding out. Audrey fears that if GG becomes privy to her deeds, people might believe it’s true. Julien reminds her it is true and Audrey freaks out about what a bad person she is.
Aki and Obie are in the hallway, and he’s also having a crisis of conscience. He confesses to Obie that he might’ve cheated on Audrey. Obie doesn’t believe him, but Aki says he made out with someone else. Obie asks if this was a one-time thing, and I think I stopped breathing for a minute until he responded. He swears it was a one time thing, and Obie is all “then who cares?” and asks if he still wants to be with Audrey. Aki gives a very unconvincing “of course, I love her.” But it sounds like he’s trying to convince himself as he says it. Obie says this isn’t something worth hurting Audrey’s feelings over, and to make sure the girl he did it with doesn’t “kiss and tell.”
Post-early morning confessional, Audrey and Aki lock eyes on Max from opposite sides of the courtyard and then each other. They awkwardly wave at one another and then move down the hallways where Ms. Keller overhears Audrey and Julien discussing that they need to be more discreet because Gossip Girl is everywhere. She’s definitely going to take the bait, but not before figuring out why there’s suddenly been a mandatory meeting scheduled — the context of which is still unknown.
Zoya arrives at school and is immediately disturbed at the unusual amount of attention she’s receiving. Obie walks up, and she vents her frustration at being trolled online with comparisons to Pizza Rat and chicken wings (I’m feeling hungry all of a sudden?). Obie tries to calm her nerves, but this is new territory for her, physically and socially. She says her dad would like to have Obie over for an evening of stares of disdain and dinner, and because he would like to hang out with her outside of school for once, he vows to bring all the charm he owns and win her dad over. They kiss outside of the courtyard where Julien and Audrey watch on, visibly bothered. We see Monet and Luna and think they’re plotting ways to get deal with Zoya, but it’s actually Julien’s behavior that’s at the forefront of their radar. The girls are still on the “we have to find her a man” train, and Max joins in. Maybe the issue isn’t the guys — maybe it’s Julien. She strolls up and asks if they’re talking about her and receives a mixed response. Max says Julien has been so concerned with trying to curate this perfect image of herself that she’s lost sight of who she truly is, and he vows to find it, TONIGHT. The old person in me is like “TONIGHT???” But this is the thing about getting older: you have to make plans with people like 2 weeks out and even then you end up bailing on each other at the last minute. Maybe I need to start approaching hangouts this way post-pandemic. Whenever that is. Max drops Obie’s name and says Julien can remind him why he fell in love with her in the first place, and this makes her perk up. Her eyes look over wistfully at Zobie in the hallway, and despite a disagreement about how she should approach the evening (to document or not to document?!) she agrees, and Max claps his hands in approval.
At the faculty meeting, Headmistress Burton says she was warned of a “pernicious presence” by her predecessor, and here it is, wreaking havoc once again. Gossip Girl is under attack! The parents are wildly concerned and threatening to pull their donations if this issue isn’t resolved. Jordan (Yeti guy) is freaking out, but Ms. Keller maintains her cool. No one is pointing fingers at anyone yet — especially not a teacher. One teacher says that Gossip Girl has actually been helpful to her, and Mr. C, nodding at Ms. Keller as if to reassure her he’s on their side, adds that the students seem more mindful of their actions now that they know someone is watching. Another teacher claims Gossip Girl is a cancer. I mean, I feel this way about social media in general, but here I am, wasting my life away on my iPhone…Burton says that students will not be allowed to access their phones throughout the school day, which is definitely going to incite a riot. You can’t take these teenagers’ phone privileges away! This immediately alarms Keller because she can’t manufacture all of these tips and posts herself. She relies on the eyes and ears of the other students on and off campus to do her dirty work! Burton also mentions that a parent has donated the use of an intelligence agency who will conduct a swift investigation and get to the bottom of this Gossip Girl mystery by next week. RUH ROH.
The teachers are in the faculty room, freaking out. Interestingly, Mr. C is nowhere to be found. Ms. Keller, unflinching, says they just need to throw them off their scent. She tells them to follow and like the posts, and that she will follow the same guidelines as the students so a finger isn’t pointed towards the teachers. Jordan says he installed a firewall so they’re safe to post at school, citing that he knows what he’s doing because he’s the computer science teacher. I feel like this is an interesting tidbit. I mean, it doesn’t qualify him as a hacker, but will his skills come to use in the future? We’ll see! He suggests GG aim some of the posts at teachers so it’s more convincing that a student is responsible. They discuss blind items about affairs and other ongoings with the faculty, and I feel like this could backfire. 1. The students probably don’t care, and 2. Will this eventually get flipped onto one of the teachers in an effort to throw someone off the scent?
At Max’s house, he’s having dinner with his dads, and the anxiety I feel watching his one dad trying to sit in a corseted jacket of some sort... This is exactly what I looked like trying to sit in my wedding gown because the seamstress altered it way too tight and I basically had to levitate for a second before I made contact with the chair. Terrifying. His fancy dad is getting ready to attend a preview of a new play, and they say they’ve reserved a block of seats for Max and all of his friends. I’ve seen the preview of that scene, and I am ready for it.
I was going to make the comment “stares of disdain and pasta” earlier, but I didn’t and now here we are at dinner AND THEY’RE EATING SPAGHETTI. Anyways, Obie is in deep conversation with Zoya’s dad about how despite his enormous wealth, he’s really a social justice warrior. And Mr. Lott seems genuinely impressed, which is really saying something for him. Zoya’s phone is going off, and it’s notifications from a new trending hashtag that Luna has inspired: #Zugly. Ummm Zoya is like the cutest member of this whole cast, and I’m prepared to fight someone on that. I SAID WHAT I SAID. Mr. Lott asks Zoya to put her phone down and be present. Obie asks Mr. Lott if he’d consider letting him take Zoya on a real date, and says he’s getting there, but not yet.
Audrey and Aki are apparently having SEX for supper, and these two are not exactly steaming up the windows or anything. They fumble around awkwardly for a bit. Audrey is having difficulty making eye contact, likely because of guilt over her endeavors with Max. And she makes a move that makes Aki so uncomfortable he needs to take a break. He’s clearly reckoning with his feelings towards Max as well. Idk, this could be the episode things come to a head #pununintended.
Julien is out on the town with Max, and she’s really living it up! Although she doesn’t have her phone in hand, Max does, and he’s posting their adventures from his account. Still, she isn’t fully free from the grips of social media as she asks him for an update on any posts about her. On a high from being published in the Daily Mail, she takes 2 hits of “space coke” while Max watches on and records. I need y’all to see what I found when I googled “space coke” LOLLLL.
They literally sent Coke. Into space. See? It isn’t all trash, here. We learn things, too! Click here for a short little read on Space Coke! 💫 The more you know 💫 Also, IDC what planet I’m on - you could never convince me that Pepsi is better than Coke. And if you can, my oxygen tank is low and I’m about to die.
Meanwhile at dinner, Zoya goes to the restroom to call Luna and ask for a ceasefire. Luna says she deserves to be harassed for dressing like the sales section of a suburban New Jersey fast fashion store. They make multiple references that I don’t understand because I didn’t go to a private school in Manhattan I guess. I also feel like no one actually talks like this IRL? They did the same thing in Dawson’s Creek #oldpersonreference I didn’t watch, but when I did I was like ????? Basically, this episode should be sponsored by google because I had to research like every word over 2 syllables that Luna was spewing out during this conversation. And I have a college degree and do not appreciate being made to feel inferior by a bunch of pretend teenagers!!!!! While Monet makes out with a girl whose name she refuses to learn, Luna basically offers to “Pretty Woman” Zoya. She and Monet get a video from Max of Julien doing more drugs, and they’re like “if she’s going down, we aren’t going with her.” Luna says, “Might as well get in with the new world order” and are they going to try to make Zoya queen bee?? Is Zoya that desperate to be liked that she’ll go along with it? I DON’T LIKE IT. Also, these two are awfully quick to abandon Julien. I don’t know if they’re fully ditching her or just their self-appointed roles as her representation but yikes.
Back to Audrey and Aki, they are throwing in the towel for the night. Aki uses the same word to describe their romp that Audrey did when discussing her and Max’s affair with Julien: “informative.” She says it’s good to experiment to figure out what you like. “Or don’t” Aki says, as if he didn’t thrust himself upon Max and then quickly try to go for round 2 right after at the bath house. Their phones go off, and it’s a blind item about them from GG alleging one of them has strayed from the nest. Both are being super secretive because they’re still unaware of the other’s actions, so they lie to each other about why they’re on their phones as they silently panic.
Julien is still at the club and is having one of those quintessential going out moments where you make a BFF in the restroom. God, I miss doing that. She is clearly feeling herself when this woman walks in and is all “whoever dumped you is an idiot and you don’t need no man!” Apparently, she’s having relationship struggles of her own because her bf won’t take her in public which is weird because she’s VERY cute. Max is outside of the restroom waiting for Jules and both express collective horror that one of Max’s dads is on a dating app and Julien’s dad is at the same club WITH THE GIRL FROM THE BATHROOM. First of all, being at the same club as your dad? Ew. Being at the same club as your dad when you’ve done a lot of drugs? Also probably pretty bad I’m guessing. Idk. Again, former DARE club president thankyouverymuch.
The next morning the teachers are in the hallway and apparently the investigation is ramping up. The agency is conducting personal interviews, and it is not looking good. They need a scapegoat. Mr. C walks past, and they discuss him as an option, which actually makes me kind of mad. I want him to stick around longer! He seems like too easy of a target and didn’t rat them out when he had the chance. They’re undecided but need to find someone to take the fall ASAP.
Julien and Obie literally run into each other and she’s wearing sunglasses and carrying several drinks so he knows she’s had a wild night. He obviously didn’t see Max’s IG because he isn’t on social media, so can’t do what she would typically do and post to get his attention. She tries to talk out her weird night of running into her dad, but Obie is conflicted by being her confidant and distracted by the sight of Zoya (who’s becoming increasingly invested in her online persona). He says he shouldn’t be doing this and Julien makes some pissy remark. She’s still hurting, so we’ll give her a pass. Obie approaches Zoya, and she’s upset — again by what’s being posted about her online. This definitely qualifies as bullying. He pacifies her by telling her he got her dad’s approval to take her on a date, and they’ve got tickets to a new play. Luna shows up at the end of the hall and signals for her to shake off Obie. She heads her way, much to the confusion of Obie, but says she’s excited for their first real date.
Max enters the courtyard and is accosted by Aki and then Audrey for spilling their secret, but he swears his lips are sealed. He seems regretful to have inserted himself in the middle of their relationship, at least in this moment when he’s hungover, exhausted, and worst of all — under caffeinated.
Julien and Max discuss the sins of their fathers. She’s tracked her dad’s girlfriend down online, but there’s no sign of her presence in their home. She doesn’t understand why her dad would hide something like this, and Max is in a similar predicament. He’s asked his dad point blank if something is going on, and he’s said no. When Julien suggests Max leave it alone, he asks her to do the same and we know this isn’t what’s going to happen here. It’s fun to actually see their families have a role. I enjoy that much more than the teachers.
Zoya is in the library with Luna, and she’s learning she has a long way to go before she can crawl out of obscurity and be the type of person that seems like they’re worthy of being on Obie’s arm. Z says she’s attending the play with Obie, and she needs Luna’s help more than ever. This is all kind of sad. Zoya is a gorgeous girl who isn’t from tremendous wealth, but who cares? She’s smart and kind and wears the hell out of a pair of overalls IMO. Obie thinks she’s good enough, but she can’t help but compare herself to the type of person he’s used to being with — someone like her half sister, Julien. Luna, who refers to Zoya as a client, shows her the ropes, and I hope people don’t actually do these things (but they probably do worse, honestly).
Max approaches Aki who says they shouldn’t be seen together, but Max is undeterred. He doesn’t exactly blackmail Aki but doesn’t not blackmail him and says if he wants their secret to remain under wraps, that he needs him to create a fake Scruff profile so he can spy on his dad. Is he TRYING to out Aki? Because he could’ve asked Obie but didn’t. Maybe he just thought of it, but I don’t know. Something smells fishy! Aki is hesitant and asks Max why he can’t just do it himself, but he says he can’t sext his own father! Gross! He tells Aki to copy Mr. C’s profile (again, FISHY) and catfish his dad. Will Max use this fake profile to stage a run-in with Mr. C and act as if he innocently thought he was accepting his advances? Aki is really not feeling this plan but he eventually hands his phone over to Max. I get it because I wouldn’t be able to tell him no either LOL.
Julien is spying on her dad’s girlfriend/friend with benefits/mistress/whatever you want to call her, and GG spots her in the process. She’s wearing a trench coat, which is apropos detective cosplay, and bounds across the street to the walkup of a very nice building to realize that this woman lives in a place under her father’s name. She messages Max that she needs an additional ticket for the play, and who knows who it’s for. Will she invite the mystery woman to join her? Meanwhile, Max sets up the new account and messages his dad, “What does ‘newly single’ mean?”
Back at home, Max’s not newly single dad is dressed in non-flamboyant attire and Max is concerned. Is his other dad looking for someone older, more dignified, more…normal? Max encourages them to take the advice they always gave him growing up, which is to be their most authentic self and wear the outfit they had tailored for the evening. Max seems sincere and not like he’s trying to aid in tearing apart his own family, but who knows at this point?
Zoya arrives at the play in a Cadillac wearing a floor length black gown (who is paying for this??). This all feels very Little J, and my anxiety is already flaring up. Obie is waiting for her on the steps, and he acknowledges her transportation, but she plays it off that she can’t ride a bike in a dress so she had no other choice. Inside the venue, Julien and her dad who I think I’ve decided this episode I do think is hot are seated at the bar waiting on the play to start, and he’s grateful she’s invited him. It’s been a while since they’ve done this sort of thing. Jules suggests he get some coffee because he’s probably exhausted after his (fake) trip to Berlin. She says she’ll be right back and disappears.
This has Blair Waldorf written all over it. She could just ask her dad what’s going on, but instead she schemes to take them out into public and shock her dad with her knowledge of the truth and embarrass this other woman. Immature, J!
Max grills Aki about his dad’s response to the earlier question, and even though Aki tells him, he takes off with Aki’s phone to read it for himself and probably stir up more trouble. Jules is in the mezzanine and finds Audrey sweating bullets over her and Max’s rendezvous possibly being the target of a GG post. Julien tries to comfort her saying it has to be about someone else, but she’s inconsolable. She sees Max and hides as Julien spots her father with Lola, the mystery woman. Lola rushes up and kisses him, but he turns his head away. Sad! He’s all “what are you doing here??” and despite his utter confusion she says that she got the flowers and the ticket that he sent over and she understood the assignment. She’s thrilled he finally wants to go public. He sort of plays it off but excuses himself to go to the restroom. Then, Mr. C beelines for Max and you’re expecting another “what are you doing here?” moment, but Mr. C’s in a much better mood. Apparently Max gave the ticket to Mr. C. Or Max is acting like his dad gave it to him? Idk, he asks Max to thank his dad, but he says he can do it himself after the show when he introduces them. He then offers Mr. C his ticket so he can have a better seat (likely next to his parents) and waltzes off towards Julien and demands her extra ticket. The two have a tête-à-tête before Max snatches the ticket and hands her a different one. She’s reluctant, but Max gave her the tickets, so she doesn’t really have a choice. The theater bell sounds and Julien’s dad rejoins Lola, arm in arm. This will for sure blow up in Julien’s face. But she’ll probably get away with it like she always does.
This is drama with a capital D, and I am here for it!!!!!
Inside the theater, Max sits between Aki and Audrey…
👀 👀 👀 👀 👀 👀 👀 👀 👀
Max still has Aki’s phone and logs into the Scruff app to realize that Aki’s been doing some “extra credit homework” as there are chats between multiple guys. From what I can tell, it doesn’t look like Aki has a type! Aki’s becoming increasingly uncomfortable, when Audrey asks what they’re up to, and Max and Aki fire off an quick, “Nothing.”
Max’s dads are seated at the front of the theater, and as his cheater dad is bemoaning the nature of the play, specifically the “audience participation” factor, Mr. C approaches the two and takes his seat. Max’s non-cheater dad immediately recognizes Mr. C and introduces him to their horrified husband, Mr. Cheater. He’s playing it off as best he can, but he’s clearly rattled.
Zoya and Obie are across the theater and Obie’s just returned with snacks that Zoya refuses to eat because that goes against Luna’s playbook and she can’t afford being compared to a bag of Skittles or other food item. She says she’s not hungry, but her behavior is off and Obie definitely picks up on it. Obie tries to discuss Hamilton with her, an easy enough topic, and Zoya begins but quickly shuts down. She starts looking around as though she’s anticipating somebody trying to capture a sound bite, and Julien shows up. She takes the seat behind them, and no one is pleased here. She snatches Obie’s snacks, further proof that she’s ditching the old rules and her old life (or trying). He asks why she isn’t with her dad, then asks who he’s actually seated with, to which Julien responds, “Why? Do you want to date her, too?” GOOD ONE, J!
We see Julien’s dad resisting Lola’s playful attempts at PDA. He eventually spots Julien who waves at him. Lola sees this and realizes that not only was she not invited there, she was invited by Julien, whom she met in a bathroom the other night.
The play begins, and Mr. Cheater messages Mr. C — the real Mr. C, not the catfish version because Max set his profile to offline — and asks what he’s doing there. He was like “I’m sorry, you are…?” Max, still seated between Aki and Audrey for some reason, slides his hands across their knees and Audrey quickly removes it but Aki does not??
After the play, Obie is trying to make conversation with Zoya, but she’s shutting down again because she can’t discuss the play within 4 blocks of the venue or some nonsense that Luna made up. She declines the passed hors d'oeuvres and after eyeing Obie’s empty skewer, she says she has to go to the restroom and disappears.
Julien’s dad corners her and says they need to talk. He’s prepared to give her a tongue lashing, but he can’t get a word in. Julien’s firing off line after line, and he has nothing to say back because…she isn’t wrong. Mr. Lott would NEVER. Lola comes up and apologizes, but Julien tells her she has nothing to apologize for and she should be with someone who is intent on keeping their relationship a secret. Davis tries to laugh it off but is left alone. Sure, parents aren’t expected to tell their kids everything, but this seems like a pretty big secret. Does he not trust Julien not to sabotage it? Or is he really just a shady old guy with commitment issues? Maybe both!
The teachers — Mr. C and Wendy (the curly haired one not) included are having family dinner at Ms. Keller’s apartment, and there’s an outsider present: Reema’s husband, George. She says he doesn’t understand the “social experiment“ because he went to public school. He says this firm has exposed billionaires, and they literally have no chance at outsmarting them. Jordan again brags about the firewall, and the newcomer says they should quit while they’re ahead before they ruin their entire careers. Like others before him, he was fired for knowing a little too much. This school sounds a lot like my last job, honestly. Ms. Keller, unshaken, says George could expose them on the GG account, but George says the damage is done. He doesn’t want to lose his integrity in the end, and there’s no way to go up against their power and financial resources. Okay, this is sounding EXACTLY like my last job. George excuses himself to the restroom, and his wife (the teacher with no name) says they should consider if pretending to be a teenager terrorizing other teenagers is worth risking everything for. She likes teaching, and it’s apparent she’s getting cold feet. She gets up from the table to grab more wine, and Jordan And Ms. Keller are left alone at the table. Keller claims the powers that be don’t care about Gossip Girl specifically, just the noise around it. And from the looks of it, it’s now up to her and Jordan to decide to carry on or let this dream die.
Zoya is stuffing her face in a booth (not the bathroom like I initially thought, thank god). She overhears Max’s dad and another patron discussing the play, and unable to hold her tongue, Zoya jumps up from the booth and has quite a bit to say for someone who’s supposed to be a mute in public now or something. Obie shows up but quickly leaves as Zoya doesn’t even acknowledge his presence. Poor guy, this must be like Julien 2.0 for him. Someone named Jeremy walks up and is so intrigued by Zoya’s viewpoints he whisks her off for a private conversation. Max approaches his fancy dad and ends the conversation that Zoya previously interrupted. Mr. Cheater (I think his name is really Roy #boring) walks up to Mr. C and apologizes for texting him in the theater. Mr. C says he must have him confused with someone else, and Max and his fancy dad join the conversation. He asks his dad if he has something he wants to say, and Mr. C puts it all together. He’s been a catalyst in Max’s plot to out Roy as being on Scruff. I said, “oh noooooooooo…” at my computer as the chaos unfolded. Max tells his fancy dad about his other dad’s infidelity with “Mr. C” and he is quick to say it wasn’t actually him. Mr. C says Max can explain, and things start getting very messy. It was just talking. No, he didn’t cheat. But he obviously wanted contact with other men. Mr. C’s night has officially been ruined, and he leaves the conversation. Max stands idly by while his dad, Mr. Cheater, tells his fancy dad that they are not the same person they were when the two of them first met. (Who could be after 20 years??) Max’s fancy dad says they are growing and comfortable with themself, and in this relationship, the only one that’s changed is Roy.
This line was just *chef’s kiss*
Roy, Mr. Cheater, says, “Why would you do that to me?” to Max. Max isn’t exactly innocent in all of this, but his father’s extramarital ongoings are certainly his own responsibility. Tearing up, Max says, “Why would you do this to us?” and his dad, appearing remorseful, walks away. A waitress passes Max, and you can just tell by the way he grabs that drink that he is in a bad way. He chugs the cocktail. Probably the first of many. I feel like he’s going to find his way into Audrey or Aki’s arms, but since it was Audrey last time…I’m leaning towards Aki?
Obie is outside, and Zoya can tell he’s irritated. Lacking self awareness for maybe the first time all season, she asks him what his deal is, and he basically says she’s been a weirdo all night and displaying multiple personalities and this date pretty much sucks. She says he complimented her appearance when she arrived, and so she felt the need to keep up the act since maybe he was comfortable with what he already knew. So instead of being herself, she was trying to be Julien. But he dumped Julien! For Zoya! I get it, though. It’s like when my husband says I look so pretty when I get dressed up (AKA put on makeup and wear something other than soft clothes). He tells me I look pretty other times, but he really lays it on when I try. And I think that’s what he’s complimenting — the effort as opposed to the end product. But I get confused in my miiiiiind ugh! Okay, we’ll give her a pass this once. She says he’s partially responsible for Julien changing because it’s hard to stand in his light and feel the warm glow without being blinded by it. He doesn’t even acknowledge his privilege. She shoves food in her mouth in the street (MY GIRL!) and Julien passes them, clearly perturbed. He asks Zoya if she minds if he makes amends, and she doesn’t because she’s a nice girl who got a little distracted but is hopefully back on track. He apologizes to Julien for saying he didn’t like who she’d become when all she was doing was trying to keep up with his status. She says she worked so hard to create this idea of herself that she eventually became it. In her orbit, it’s like everyone’s lost sight of themselves. Everyone except Zoya. They seem to have said what they needed to say to move on, and Julien and her perfectly-shaped head turn around and walk down the sidewalk solo. For real, though. You cannot have a shaved head unless your head is perfectly round. The back of mine is flat, so that’s unfortunately out of the cards for me. But it’s okay. Can’t really have bangs, either. I’ll be fine. Maybe
Wendy is now at Ms. Keller’s and calls Reema while she and Jordan watch on. This is so middle school. She said that her husband’s former boss, the one who was hiring escorts, hired a senior from the school. Wendy says that if Reema exposes this man, her husband might even be able to get his job back. She dangles the carrot in front of her that she also has the login for the GG account, and if she posts about this from school, the firewall will protect her. You already know this will end badly. Jordan could turn off the firewall and she would get caught. But on the contrary, she knows way too much. And at the very least, this will likely get her to post and divvy up the blame. If multiple teachers claim their phones were compromised, this investigation will probably be a flop.
Aki and Audrey watch on as Max does coke off of his black Amex, and I guess this is totally normal behavior because no one in the vicinity is even paying attention to him. When Aki approaches him and says he’s being out of control, Max says that’s why Aki likes him. He then starts firing away names of potential suitors on Scruff. Audrey doesn’t understand what’s happening, and Max, who is higher than a Mariah Carey whistle note btw, says he’s not the only one who screwed up here. He outs all their secrets as they stand back in complete shock. He says they’re not into each other, but neither of them can have him. And if he really means that, that’s kinda screwed up. He has to choose between one of them, right? Or is the luster gone now that he’s already gotten what he wanted?
He finishes a cocktail and waltzes off like he didn’t just ruin his family’s and his best friends’ nights/lives. Who knows if he will even remember doing this tomorrow, although I’m sure he’ll be reminded swiftly, especially if GG catches wind of it.
Jules gets home and her dad is playing the piano solemnly like it’s the 3am last call at a hotel bar or something. He says he sent Lola home, and because he’s tried to maintain her presence as the only woman in his life, he’s kept his dating life private. But she’s almost an adult now and deserves to know the truth. He apologizes to Julien, and honestly, for someone who’s so good at apologizing (maybe from screwing up a lot idk), his daughter doesn’t seem to have inherited that gene (but I have hope). She says she’d like to meet her and hands him his phone.
Zobie are outside of Z’s apartment building, and Obie says he’d really like to kiss her. IT’S CUTE. They kiss, and again, no peripheral vision between the two of them because the doorman is snapping pics of them and not even trying to hide it. Idk if I think this is for GG. It wouldn’t surprise me if her dad asked him to keep tabs, even though I’d still think that was weird.
Max is sitting on the front steps of a building we haven’t seen before with a tear-stained face, and Mr. C walks out and takes a seat.
The fact that Max doesn’t make a sex joke here is proof he’s not in a good place, but still, he deflects. He says he had no idea it would blow up like this, and Mr. C is like “what did you think would happen??” The teenagers, they do not operate with a fully developed brain. Max feels like he broke up his family, but Mr. C assures him that the truth would’ve come out eventually. Max just didn’t realize it would be so painful when it happened. He cries on Mr. C’s shoulder, who initially is reluctant to physically comfort him, but ultimately puts his arms around him and lets him cry, eventually allowing him to sleep on his couch.
On the way to school, Zoya is tagged in multiple posts which results in her switching her Instagram profile to private. Julien leaves her cell phone at home for the day. Unbelievable! She should’ve left an outfit next to it so her dad would think he missed the rapture or something. That would teach him not to lie to her! Aki and Audrey meet in the hallway at school, and clearly they haven’t spoken since their deeds were read aloud to a bunch of unsuspecting bar patrons. Timid, they discuss if they would like to continue exploring other avenues or moving forward in their relationship. Audrey confesses that she didn’t have a bad time with Max, but she doesn’t want to do it again. Aki says he isn’t interested in trying that again and they apologize to each other, kiss, and makeup…for now. Sorry! Not all the way sold on this relationship.
The teachers are all in the faculty room as Reema is packing up her belongings. She said she couldn’t resist posting about the tip Wendy gave her. Unfortunately, the firewall didn’t work, but she says there’s no reason to worry because she didn’t give away their identities. WOW. If they’re willing to scapegoat their friend, they’re just as bad as these kids they’re trying to control. The students can’t help it they’re a bunch of rich, hormonal teens, but these guys are adults! Ms. Keller asks why she feels so bad, and it’s pretty clear, really. This woman’s husband was fired, and now she’s unemployed, too. Jordan says no one forced her to do the post, and they’ve recruited contacts from other schools, so Gossip Girl is about to go citywide and the target will no longer be on their backs. I don’t like that almost as much as I don’t like the teachers being GG.
Jules meets Monet and Lisa by their lockers and tells them she’s going offline for the day. The girls nearly stroke out but immediately begin plotting. Julien walks away and they are back on the plan to get rid of Zoya because the order needs to be reinstated. Julien has to be back on top. End of story. Luna says she has some damning information that could make Zoya go “POOF!” and maybe she picked something up from their time together in the library, or maybe it’s that video GG sent Julien last episode. Either way, they’re both smiling and by this point, you all know that freaks me out. #weresoscewed
INITIAL IMPRESSIONS
This episode gets straight up chaotic in moments, but in the very best way.
FAVORITE MOMENT
The theater scene. Everything built up to that moment, and it was well worth it!
FAVORITE OUTFIT
I kind of love Audrey’s school outfit! Her theater outfit was also really good. Her style is my favorite so far.
BEST LINE
“Maybe I needed you to walk away to see that I could stand on my own.” - Julien
FAVORITE CAST MEMBER
Max. Way to blow 💩 up this episode! 😂
FUN FACTS
“Lazy Baby” the opener of the #hotgirlsummer3 playlist is performed by Dove Cameron, Thomas Doherty’s ex and is possibly (but probably) about him.
BIGGEST QUESTION
How long are the teachers intent on keeping this GG charade up? Will the students lose interest once other schools are included in the posts? Will I have to learn the names of 50 additional characters (I CAN’T AND I WON’T)?
BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT
I hate to say it, but until the end of the episode, it was Zoya. But she found her way! Also, Max’s dad, Roy.
PREDICTIONS
I think Max will take a break from interfering with Aki and Audrey’s relationship to focus his attention on Mr. C. Monet and Luna will probably do something terrible to embarrass Zoya and make her want to jump ship again, but it won’t work. And again, I don’t know if I think the students will be interested in GG once it spans multiple schools. There’s also a chance they can’t get enough intel that’s post-worthy to make it work. And, opening it up to more people means the identity of GG is more susceptible to discovery. This is a bad move, IMO. But I hate that the teachers are GG, so I’m kinda hoping this whole thing blows up sooner than later!
